So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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