At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize