Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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