we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize