Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize