just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize