i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize