There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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