My cat gives me a boner
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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