I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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