You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize