You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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