is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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