did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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