Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I did not marry a roomba.
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