filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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