I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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