All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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