No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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