I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We're too hungover to prance.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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