Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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