what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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