just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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