Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My ATM looks so different sober.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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