after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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