Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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