He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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