Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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