Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize