my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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