We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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