too bad you live with your parents still
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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