I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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He had one of those small greek statue penises
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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