My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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