I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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