He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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