I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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