3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize