I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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