I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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