who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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