3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize