there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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