Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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