I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize