Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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