laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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