oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize