loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize