I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize